Nine Rad things we'll lose if our leaders don't quickly phase out oil, coal & gas

One of oil executives’ favorite lies goes like this:

“We can’t phase out oil, because we’ll lose [thing we won’t lose].”⁠ ⁠

It’s bullshit. The truth is that we can do all the same things — drive, cook, heat, cool, light, go down an internet rabbit hole on Rubik’s cube records — without oil, coal, & gas and their carbon pollution. But it won’t buy an oil executive another boat.

On the other hand, if our elected leaders don’t stand up to stop these sociopaths — and quickly — we are going to lose things. A lot of things. Some pretty rad things.

If you like any of these nine things, or any other things, give your elected officials a call, and make sure they are doing every thing in their power to replace oil, coal, & gas with clean energy ASAFP.


Increasing temperatures are reducing coffee yields, raising prices, shrinking the areas suitable for coffee cultivation, and could lead to crop failures.

Even worse, it will confirm your uncle Ron’s suspicion that you spend $20 on a latte.


Wine grapes’ extreme sensitivity to climate is what makes wine so exquisite. But if leaders don’t act, Miles will get his wish: Nobody will be drinking any fucking Merlot.

Bid “adieu” to that summer bike tour through the South of France. It’s so hot in Greece, tourist attractions are closing in the afternoon for safety. Also, the Caravaggios lose something when they melt off the canvas.


Scientists project a dramatic decrease in the availability of tuna rolls in your supermarket when the ocean is literally boiling. Omaka-say bye to your favorite meal.


Just, like, all of it. Drought and heatwaves could soon cause crop failures for rice, corn, and wheat, which make up two thirds of the world’s calories.

We know what you’re thinking: What about BLANK? Yep, that too. Pretty messed up, right?

Economic security through home ownership

As home insurance policies disappear amid increasingly costly disasters, your biggest asset could become a massive liability. On the bright side, you won’t need money when the world’s financial system collapses. Who’s got record profits now, Exxon!

Casual sex

Try finding a hookup when you live in a cave and haven’t showered since last winter. Although you may get to participate in government-mandated repopulation efforts.

The innocent laughter of a child playing outside

“Ok Breighlyn, just don’t forget to put on your heat reflective body suit and turn on your oxygen ventilator. It’s 140 degrees outside and there’s lots of smoke from the tire dump spontaneously combusting again.”

the deep satisfaction of achieving your hopes and dreams

Good luck with that veterinarian thing. Maybe you can share your dried newt chunks with the starving wolves so they stop eating kids?

Ok, looking back, you probably could have called out your leaders a bit more in 2023.