From McKay: The Speech the President Should Give Right Now (Seriously)

By: Adam McKay

Given the frightening nature of Hurricane Milton and the non-stop array of weather disasters that have battered the planet amidst 16 straight months of record-breaking global temperatures, we submit this speech for President Biden to give in a primetime, national address ASAP:

My fellow Americans – By now most of you are aware of the frightening intensification of Hurricane Milton over the Gulf of Mexico, which is now threatening large swaths of the state of Florida. 

Evacuations are being ordered while state and city officials in conjunction with regular citizens are doing everything possible to prepare for a potential catastrophe that comes right on the heels of another unthinkable disaster, Hurricane Helene. 

FEMA is already pushed beyond its current funding which is why, effective immediately, I am ordering Congress to return to DC to vote for an additional $40 billion dollars in FEMA funding.

This money will pay for rescue missions, shelters, clean water, food and recovery for the regions currently suffering after Helene and the damage we anticipate Milton causing.

Now is not the time for partisan politics.

Americans need help NOW.

And why is that? 

Because as scientists have been warning us for 60 years, the burning of oil, coal, and gas is causing runaway global warming that has put all of us in ever-increasing danger, and put in doubt the future we all assumed was there for us and our children.

These are hard words I know. I take no pleasure in delivering them.

But we have a lot of work to do.

And unfortunately oil companies have spent 100s of millions creating confusion and inaction. Turning us against each other.

Which is why effective immediately I am declaring a national climate emergency.

This declaration is the first step in what will be a nationwide effort to prepare for the violent weather our warming world now promises.

Expanding funding for firefighters, shelters, cooling centers, and the strengthening of power grids will be step one.

Step two is the mass production and installation of solar, wind, and hydropower in conjunction with the Pentagon.

Step three is the creation and funding of five national laboratories in the spirit of the Manhattan Project, to develop the removal of the carbons we have released into our air that are now warming the planet at an incredible rate.

We must prepare for the impending storm.

It will not be easy.

But we will do it for each other. For our children. 

For our future.

Thank you and God bless everyone of you.